Conquering Approach Anxiety

July 15, 2011 — 3 Comments

Approach anxiety (AA), while a commonplace topic in any discussion of social game, is quite tricky—even the most successful PUAs will readily admit that they not always above its debilitating grasp.  Fundamentally, AA refers to a negative emotional response that, at its worst, prevents the individual from initiating conversation with an attractive girl, and, at its best, is a psychological thorn that simply has to be put up with. The bio-evolutionary reasons for its existence are complex and debatable, but they unnecessary for this particular discussion. All you need to remember is that AA occurs as a consequence of a fear of disapproval from the other party—the more value the person you wish to talk to holds, the greater the magnitude of the anxiety experienced. Thus, the more attractive the girl, the greater the level of the anxiety. Indeed, approach anxiety is not limited to potential sexual partners; it can extend to anyone who holds value relative to you; if you encounter your boss at the supermarket, or say your landlord, you will feel a similar emotional response. In each of these cases, the fear of disapproval manifests itself in the form of approach anxiety.

Approach anxiety must be handled in the same manner as all other fears—conquer it with practice. Do not, under any circumstances, give in to the anxiety and fall back; do what you must in spite of the fear; force yourself to act against it. This will be difficult at first, very uncomfortable and even painful. But, be patient. As you do it more and more, the fears will fade, and you will gain greater emotional mastery. You will realize that by and large, the fears are unfounded.

Say you speak to a remarkably beautiful girl; say your worst fears are made true—she rejects you cruelly and, for added flair, calls you a loser or creep. This will suck in the beginning: you will be hurt, you will feel low and never want to talk to girls again. But, more importantly, you will achieve greater emotional resilience. Now that you’ve faced the worst of it—and lived!—you will naturally experience greater confidence, rising strength. Each subsequent occurrence will be easier. The worst tactic to conquer approach anxiety is to sit and moan, or, almost nearly as bad, try to intellectualize it. No, just go out, balls in hand, and face it. This is the only way to conquer your fear. No amount of talking, discussing, pondering, or self-assessment will help you in this regard.  It is tough, but worth every ounce of the initial hardship.

You want to achieve the following state, where you’re constantly comfortable, relaxed, regardless of how the other individual reacts, or says:

Irrespective of his success with picking up the girls he approaches, notice his natural comfort. He’s having a good time. Many of the girls are uncomfortable with his encounter, and some are borderline rude, but his state is unchanged—a constant smile, high energy, and relaxed. Now, it’s important to note that his game isn’t as good as it could be, so be carful of emulating him blindly. I will do future posts with a more direct and analytical approach to the intricacies and science of game, but take from the video his fundamental attitude. Regardless of the girls’ reactions, he’s unchanged.

Keep practicing, and know that you have nothing to fear: a girl’s disapproval isn’t going to kill you, it isn’t going to plummet you into harsh poverty or intense pain. She doesn’t want you, well, her loss.

Never be like this fucking tool, this sorry excuse for a man:

She probably said yes because it was a free dinner.


3 responses to Conquering Approach Anxiety


    Good eye-opening post bro’.

    Great point about the hotter the girl,the greater chance of AA rearing its head.


    Well this isn’t terribly relevant but who’s the girl on the banner with the tats? Great post too.

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